FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF “SO, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!!”

So I hear about a free Hot Yoga class, and I remember that my friend Greg did some of this Hot Yoga stuff a few months ago, and, well, he’s still alive, so … feeling a wee bit adventurous, I decide, “Hey, okay! Let’s give it a shot!” Famous last words.
Now here I am, with thirty women, none of whom I can see through the perspiration that’s running into my eyes. All I can tell is that I’m surrounded by a bunch of blurry figures. And even without the sweat, I’m squinting from the pain and the effort, and I’m grunting and gasping and I can’t see the instructor through the sweat, so I’m trying to follow what the person next to me is doing, and my eyes are burning and my body is screaming “Stop! Get the f… outta here!” Because, of course, it’s HOT! Now I’m from the tropics, but this was HOTTT! Holy heat wave, Batman! Hose me down and drag me outta here by my ankles … please!
And on and on it goes: All the other people are breathing calmly together, and I’m panting away at twice their speed. At one point I nearly pass out. And all along, I’m questioning my sanity and trying for the life of me to remember what possessed me to even think of trying this.
So, fast forward to THE END. A bell rings three times, everybody says “Namaste,” and the instructor says to get up when you’re ready. All the ladies pitter-patter outta there rapido-presto and I can’t move. So I decide that I’m going to spend the night right there on my mat. She said get up when you’re ready, right? So I’ll be ready some time tomorrow, thank you. Except, of course, that it’s HOT! I gotta get outta here!

 

I lurch and wobble to the dressing room, probably looking very drunk, but I’m not. And as I start cooling down, I start feeling big-time … what’s that? It’s like … yeah, SERENITY! I’m feeling … happy … and all the regular aches and pains are gone, and I’m getting that “I love everybody! Life is great!” vibe. And this is with no booze! I wanna sing and dance! (But I don’t, of course.) And I just KNOW I’m gonna sleep great tonight.
So … on the way out, I put my money down and sign up for more classes. My next post will probably be from a stretcher in the Emergency Ward of a hospital, but dammit, I’m gonna be SO SERENE. And that’s that. Thank You and Good night. Out.

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